Colour Splashes in Our World of Grey
by twistedsteele
Summary: A rejection of innocence unleashes sadness and pain. Betrayal blanketing over the rejection causes destruction in their happiness. He had always been enough for her. She suspected that the day would come when she would no longer be enough for him but she never would have anticipated that she would become too much for him. Can they find their colour splashes in their world Grey?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the 50 shades trilogy. No copyright infringement intended. I am simply playing around with the characters :)**

Chapter One:

It has been two weeks. Slowly, I have gathered the pieces for my plan to work. I have managed to purchase and safely store away the pieces that will play a part in my escape. My sub conscious bitch slaps my inner goddess into submission and stands up, giving me a smug look as my libido lays crumpled on the floor in defeat.

_That's right! He had his chance and he blew it. Money cannot buy you everything Steele, least of all your love and trust._

I take in a deep breath and blow out the air slowly. Right, time to get this show on the road, Christian will not be back until much later today. He has been away on business often since I dropped the bombshell on him, avoiding me at all costs. I know that he left with Charlie Tango early this morning and won't be back until at least 15h00.

I haven't seen him in fourteen days but I know he has seen me. I could feel his presence in my room on the nights he wasn't travelling but I would simply ignore him and continue to feign sleep. We have emailed and text messaged but nothing more than that. I have moved all my stuff into my old bedroom. _The one he used to use for all of his subs, _my subconscious reminds me, every chance she gets.

Swallowing thickly to avoid the onslaught of continuous tears, I stand up and sneak a quick glance at my Blackberry. There's an email from Christian. Sighing heavily, I open it and immediately my anger flares, just as it has done every other morning since our unspoken separation.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Unwelcomed guests

**Date: **18 September 2011, 06h24

**To: **Anastasia Grey

Who is she?

Mrs Jones will have breakfast ready for you. You need to eat, you're losing weight. It's not just you now.

Get some more sleep after lunch, you look exhausted.

Don't forget, we are having dinner tonight at my parent's house. I will pick you up at 17h00. Your outfit is laid out on our bed.

Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

I look over at sleeping beauty and feel guilty about using Christian's money to pay her for her services_. You gave him everything and he betrayed you. You owe him nothing. You're a strong, independent woman who deserves more. Little Blip deserves more. _Hitting the reply button, I send Christian a short email.

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject: **It's Called a Friend

**Date: **18 September 2011, 07h08

**To: **Christian Grey

Something you obviously know nothing about.

Shower first, breakfast when I'm done.

I will see you at 17h00.

Anastasia

That first line is bound to piss him off. Good, he and his twitching palm deserve it. I feel guilty about the lie but don't allow the feeling to penetrate for too long. I still cannot believe he ran into the arms of that paedophile, bitch troll creature the same night I shared the news of Little Blip. Tears pool in my eyes at the memory of how hurt I was at his rejection of Little Blip – of us. Even worse was when he passed out from all the alcohol, only to discover that, not only had he resorted to hard alcohol at what was supposed to be wonderful news but, he had run back into his ex's arms. I felt so numb, so dead inside.

Why Christian? Why did you do it? When he refused to be forthcoming and honest with me about his unfaithful actions, I refused to approach him. If he couldn't tell me on his own then it would always be like this. He will never be able to tell me or quite possibly, even admit to himself the wrongness of his actions. This will eventually lead to infidelity. I always knew, deep down, that I would never be enough. Anastasia Steele was never enough for Christian Grey. He would always need more than I could ever give to him.

I knew then that I had to get out. This is not the kind of life I want. This is not what Christian and I had vowed to one another. I do not want Little Blip growing up in an environment where all of his ex-subs and past relations can come and go as they please. I do not want Little Blip surrounded by or continuously exposed to those kinds of people. While I may not be enough for him, I definitely deserve to be treated better than some mildly amusing play toy.

I need to create a safe, loving environment for our baby, _my_ baby. _He wants nothing to do with Little Blip and nothing to do with you as long as you hold onto this precious, innocent life_, my subconscious utters the ugly truth of my situation.

Feeling the first tear escape and trickle down my face is enough to spring me into motion. Once I am done in the shower, I don a replica of the dress she arrived in last night and apply all the pieces I had hidden away two weeks ago, adding make up and green contact lenses to perfect the look.

"Wow," she says softly with a huge smile on her lips, "you look just like me, Steele."

Standing up, I twirl around and give her a mini show. "I have transformed into a beautiful, green-eyed, blonde bombshell. My plan cannot fail."

Kimberley's eyes sadden. She flashes me a pained expression and opens up her arms to me. I fall into them and begin to sob as she rocks us, trying to soothe the pain, holding onto me tightly. "Oh Ana, I am so sorry that you feel you need to do this. You deserve so much more than what life has dealt you. You are stronger than anybody gives you credit for, Anastasia Steele. Little Blip could not have asked for a better mother."

My only response is a weak nod and a strangled sob. If only he or she could have a father. If only Christian wanted this baby – _my_ baby. _Best you get that idea out of your head Steele because _'if only'_ is never going to happen. _Steeling myself, I pull back from Kimberley and dry my face. After a few more minutes, I pull myself together.

After touching up my make up, I grab the replica of her handbag and dump the ten thousand dollars into the purse, which is also an exact copy of hers. I put Kimmy's passport into my handbag and take one last look out of the large window.

I could have been Queen of this castle – I should have been. Actually, I was… for a short period of time. I am just not enough for its King. Not enough on my own and too much with Little Blip. Blinking rapidly, I chase away the tears that threaten to fall yet again. _It can only get easier, Steele_. I keep telling myself this every day and I am praying that one day my words will ring true in my heart.

I walk over to Kimberley and wrap my arms around her slender form. "Thank you, Kimmy." Pulling back enough to look into her eyes, I continue, "I cannot begin to tell you how much this means to me. I hope that the gift I have left in your apartment will be to your liking. It is just a small token of my appreciation." I tell her sincerely, in a quiet voice.

She pulls me closer, holding tightly onto me, "You didn't have to, Ana. You know I would do anything for you. I love you. I'm going to miss you. Kate is going to go berserk when she finds out that you aren't around anymore." I stiffen at her mention of Kate – my best friend. I am going to miss her so damn much. I cannot bear to say goodbye to her in person, "Please make sure she gets my letter, Kimmy. She's my best friend. I am going to miss her dearly. My mom and Ray too, please make sure they are okay when I am gone."

"Oh, Ana," Her words make me swallow the lump in my throat, "I promise."

"Bye, Kimmy."

"Bye, Ana. Be safe. I love you."

'I love you, too."

I pick up my Blackberry, ignoring the unopened email and scroll to Sawyer's number. Pushing it, I listen to the dial tone as I wait for him to pick up.

"Mrs Grey?" He answers, surprise that I am phoning him evident in his voice.

"Hi, Sawyer. I need a favour, please?" I ask as sweetly as I can.

"Ma'am?"

"My friend, Kimberley, slept over last night. Please can you take her home for me? She needs to get ready for work and I don't feel well enough to drive her myself." I look over at Kimmy, who, is getting changed into her dress from last night and walks over to the bathroom once she is done.

"Yes, Mrs Grey. I will meet her in the foyer in five minutes." He waits a few seconds and then adds, "Are you okay, Mrs Grey?"

"I will be, just a little nauseous right now. Thank you, Sawyer."

"My pleasure, Ma'am." He replies politely. I am going to miss Sawyer.

"Sawyer, I am going to take a quick shower and then I am going to lie down for a few more minutes. Please can you tell Mrs Jones that I will be down for breakfast as soon as I am feeling a little better?"

"Yes, Mrs Grey."

"Thank you, Sawyer. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Ma'am."

Hanging up, I turn my Blackberry off without a glance at the offending, unopened email and toss it into the drawer of the bedside table, my wedding ring lying over the folded note. We could have been so happy, Christian. You were enough for me and I wish so desperately, with everything that I am, that I could have been enough for you.

Sliding the drawer closed, I glance at Kimmy's watch and notice that I am behind schedule. "Shit! I have to go Kimmy. Please take care of yourself! Thank you for everything, you have no idea how much all of this means to me."

"Oh, I think I have a fairly good idea, Steele." She says as she gives me a genuine, heart-warming smile, which, I can't help but return. It's infectious. "Your luggage is packed and ready by my front door. I ordered a cab for you that should arrive at 09h00. I have everything covered here. Just have to play the dumb blonde and all that." She waves her hand around and I giggle a little. "I have another key, Ana so, you can keep that one, just in case you ever need a place to stay, okay?"

I nod at her and give her a kiss on her cheek, thanking her once more before I depart. As I make my way down to the foyer, my eyes sweep over every inch of Escala that I pass. I feel a deep sadness settling in my bones, weakening me further. This _was_ my home and it held so many memories of happier times. Forcing back the tears, I let out a heavy sigh and continue until I see Sawyer waiting for 'my friend' – waiting for me.

"Miss Layne." Sawyer greets me and relief floods my system. The disguise is working! I nod my head and smile shyly at him, not wanting to speak and give myself away. Sawyer leads me to the elevator and we make our way down. I look at my beautiful R8 once we are in the garage and bite my tongue to keep any traitorous sound from escaping.

Sawyer pulls up to Kimmy's apartment and climbs out the SUV, coming around and opening my door for me. He helps me out of the vehicle and walks me to the front door.

"Good day, Miss Layne." He says politely. I nod my head and fake another shy smile. I find Kimberley's key and unlock the apartment. Stepping inside, I close the door behind me and watch through the peep hole as Sawyer drives off. "I'm so sorry, Sawyer." I whisper into the stillness of the apartment and lean my head against the door. I know he is going to be out of a job as soon as Christian finds out.

_Oh, Fifty!_

I nearly jump through the roof, my heart racing a mile a minute when the cab's hooter sounds. I pick up my luggage and, try to steady my heartbeat and calm my nerves. Locking up, I make my way to the vehicle and climb in.

"Airport, please." I tell the cab driver as his eyes burn with lust. I roll my eyes and motion for him to get a move on. _That surely would have earned you a good spanking session with Mr Grey. _Tearing his hungry gaze away from me, he nods and pulls away. Arriving at the airport, I retrieve my minimal luggage and hand over some cash to the driver. I roll my eyes and head straight for my terminal.

Once I have passed all the airport security without any glitches, I breathe a sigh of relief and board the plane, taking my seat right at the back, in the farthest corner. As soon as we have taken off, I look around to see if anybody is watching me. Thankfully, the seats in my row are all empty. When I feel comfortable enough, I pull out my own passport and look at the stamps that cost me an arm and a leg to get. _What you mean to say is, it cost Christian a little fortune. _My eyes scan over my name and the flood gates open.

_Anastasia Rose Steele_

Putting my passport back in my handbag, I place my hand over my tummy and begin to cry silently for everything that I have lost and for all the difficult times that still lay ahead of me.

_Oh, Little Blip!_

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed that? Please leave a review and let me know if you would like more from Ana's POV next chapter or Christian's?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

It has been two solid weeks of fucked-upness. Certain words had been stuck on repeat in my mind – on a daily basis – for that first week and I could not control them:

_She's pregnant._

How could she do this to us?

_I'm going to be a father._

I'm not ready to be a father.

_My beautiful, sweet Ana is pregnant._

How the hell did I allow this to happen to her?

_We're going to be parents._

We aren't ready to be parents. Christ, Ana is only twenty-two.

I sit quietly in the dark corner, in the hard chair and take a swig of my drink. My anger flares as my eyes stare daggers at the body curled around my wife's sleeping form. I don't care that it is a female – nobody should be allowed to touch her so intimately. I am the only one who should be wrapped around her. _My wife _and _I_ should be together, in _our_ bed.

_Today has been such a god-awful day. A hangover from the seventh circle of hell has made itself known since the dark hours of this morning. Work has been operating at the absolute, most bottom pits of hell. I am definitely, without a doubt, living in hell today._

_I am so relieved to finally be on my way home. I took my time at work and extended my working hours. The last thing I needed to deal with was Ana and the new life she was carrying inside of her. I simply cannot deal with her and that… that… I just can't. I'm not ready for that._

_I just want some dinner, a nice hot shower, some pain killers and my bed. A nice glass of chilled wine will top that all off nicely. Walking into the kitchen, I glimpse Gail warming some food up for me. It's almost ten thirty pm._

_I eat all my dinner up quickly as my exhaustion, from my previous night's activities and news, catch up with my tiring day at the office. Bidding Mrs Jones and Taylor a good night, I leave the kitchen and make my way to our bedroom. Hopefully, Ana is asleep. I just don't want to have to deal with all this shit she has dropped me in._

_I enter the bedroom and immediately I can sense her absence. Glancing at our empty bed, a feeling of unease settles over me. I stride over to the bathroom and flick on the light switch. Giving it a swift once-over, I realise that her toothbrush is not where it should be. Stepping back into the room, my eye catches the slightly open closet and I quickly make my way over to it, sliding the door open roughly._

_All of her clothing is gone. _God damn it, Ana!_ Pure panic settles deep in my bones. She can't leave me. My heart starts to beat frantically in my chest as the thought of Ana leaving grips me tightly._

"_Ana?" I call out loudly and run down to the playroom, frantically trying the door. Locked, damn it! Racing to her library, I pray to god that I will find her curled up on a couch, sleeping soundly. I enter the room and quickly flip the switch. My heart sinks into a darker pit when the realisation that she isn't in this room hits me. I continue my speedy journey through the apartment. I cannot find her anywhere. I am starting to realise that Ana may very well have left me. She fucking promised!_

"_ANA!" Christ, baby, please answer me. "ANA!" I shout in a booming voice and Taylor is instantly at my side with Sawyer, who is a couple of steps behind him._

"_Sir?" Taylor asks with confusion spread over his facial features._

"_Where the fuck is she, Taylor?" I spit out harshly through gritted teeth as I pull on my hair in frustration._

"_Your wife is in the spare bedroom, Mr Grey." Sawyer speaks up in a wary tone, "I tried to dissuade her from moving in there but she would have none of it. I'm terribly sorry, Sir."_

_She _what_? Not needing to hear anymore, I run towards the spare bedroom and almost collide with the closed door. Stopping just in time, I grab the door handle and push the door open roughly. My racing heart starts to calm and the tension, from my rapidly building nerves and mini panic attack, dissipates almost instantly._

_Sleeping peacefully in the centre of the guest bed is my beautiful wife. Anastasia's hair is sprawled all over the white pillow, her chest rising and falling softly with her gentle breathing and her body lay spread across most of the bed._

_Flicking my eyes over the room, I see the closet door open and, a few items of clothing and shoes lay scattered across the room. Walking to the closet, I see that Anastasia has relocated all of her personal stuff into this room; the room where all my previous subs have stayed._

_This is no room for my wife to stay in. She belongs in _our _bedroom, in _our_ bed, next to _me_, her _husband. _What I can't figure out is why she feels the need to distance herself from me like this._

_Really, Grey?_

_Oh Ana! You deserve so much more than this; I'm just not ready, baby._

_Walking over to the bed, I lean over and kiss the subtle frown on her face. Placing my forehead gently against hers, I release a sad sigh._

"_Please baby… I just need some time to adjust… absorb the news. It's… a lot… to take in. Don't ever leave me..." My whispered words to her trail off and I place another soft kiss on her beautiful face._

That night, and every other night following it, I have slept alone. The first nightmare made an appearance that night. I haven't experienced as many nightmares since Ana and I started sleeping in the same bed together, as I have over the last days that have passed. They all resurfaced, new and old, since she moved into _that_ room. I haven't had a decent nights rest in the last fourteen days.

I have tried to avoid sleeping as much as possible and even though I would like to believe I am stronger than this and, I can survive on the most minimal amount of sleep, I cannot deny that without Ana in my life I would become a ghost of the man she has encouraged and helped me to become; the type of man that would be worthy of her copious amounts of love and affection; the type of man that she could be proud to call her husband. I have been anything but the kind of man she deserves.

I have tried to give her time on her own and have waited for her to come back to me, approach me with what has been eating away at her. Gail and Sawyer seem to think that it is more than just the way I reacted to the news of her pregnancy. I just cannot figure out what has been on her mind.

With the minimal contact between us, I have already experienced, to a small extent, what life will be like for me without Ana by my side. I need her like I need air to breathe. She has become my sole reason for waking up every morning. Without her, life would not be worth living. All the wealth I have accumulated over the years will have been for nothing, if I don't have her to share any of it with. I cannot exist without Ana. I won't.

I have organised with mom to have a family dinner at her place tomorrow night. It's the only way Ana is going to make contact with me without a major confrontation. On the way to dinner I have to tell her that I want to let the family know about our unborn baby – since that is obviously not going to happen right now.

Over the last fourteen days, I have slowly come to terms with the fact that I am going to be a father. I won't lie, the idea alone terrifies me but I have come to realise that with Anastasia by my side, I can do this; I _want _to do this… for her, for me… for our baby. I will be the father that our unborn child deserves. I will be the husband she is worthy of. All I need, for those things to happen, is to have Anastasia by my side for the rest of our lives.

The fact that she has invited a stranger into her bed angers me, to the point where I want to kill the person who has my Ana wrapped in their embrace. Instead of coming to me for comfort, her husband, she has turned to somebody I have never even heard of, let alone seen. The only one who should ever be there to catch Anastasia is me. She should be able to come to me with anything and yet she lays here in the arms of an unknown woman. This alone tells me that whatever is bugging Ana has become an issue of trust. Whatever is playing through that overactive mind of hers has caused a fissure in our relationship and I can only pray to god that it is repairable. I don't want to live without Anastasia Grey, my amazing wife, by my side; I can't.

Sighing heavily, I lift myself from my spot and head on over to the shower in our bedroom. Once I am done with my morning routine and dressed, I make my way down to the kitchen and wolf down the breakfast Gail has ready for me. Not in the mood for conversation, I give Taylor a look that he understands and we head on down to the R8. Ana is not going to like the idea of me flying Charlie Tango again but, then, I am not impressed with the fact that there is someone other than me in bed with her. I just wish she would tell me what it is that is bothering her.

Once I arrive at my office in Portland, I type out an email to my wife and hope that her smart mouth won't make an appearance today. I am already in a foul mood from the uninvited guest replacing my spot by Ana's side.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Unwelcomed Guests

**Date: **18 September 2011, 06h24

**To: **Anastasia Grey

Who is she?

Mrs Jones will have breakfast ready for you. You need to eat, you're losing weight. It's not just you now.

Get some more sleep after lunch, you look exhausted.

Don't forget, we are having dinner tonight at my parent's house. I will pick you up at 17h00. Your outfit is laid out on _our_ bed.

**Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.**

It should be a few more hours before my sleeping beauty awakes. I will have to wait, rather impatiently, for a reply. I need to know who that woman is and what the hell she thinks she's doing in our home, sleeping next to my Ana. I place a call to Welch and get him on top of it. It's going to take longer than usual, since I don't have a name for her. Who the fuck is she?

I decide to check my unopened emails and get some work done, anything to take my mind off my worry over Ana and her unexpected actions. It's just so unlike her to pull the stunt she pulled last night.

Forty minutes later and one cup of coffee down, I rub my hands over my tired face. I am tempted to call Ana and wake her up. The wait for her response is killing me. I cannot focus properly on anything. She does look exhausted though and from what Gail has told me about pregnancy, she could be like this for the first three months. She needs to rest. More importantly, she needs to start eating properly. Her mind's worries are causing a loss in her appetite and it's eating away at what little body fat she has. She's getting too skinny, she needs to eat. If not for herself then, she must do it for our baby.

Startled out of my thoughts by the ping of a new email in my inbox, I release a tired sigh and pick up my Blackberry. It's from Anastasia. I frown, what the hell is she doing up so early? She needs to rest.

**From: ** Anastasia Grey

**Subject: **It's Called a Friend

**Date: **18 September 2011, 07h08

**To: **Christian Grey

Something you obviously know nothing about.

Shower first, breakfast when I'm done.

I will see you at 17h00.

**Anastasia**

The cold, snappy tone from her email completely erases her smart-mouthed subject heading and first sentence from my mind. _Shit!_ This has been the coldest reply I have received from her emails and text messages. Something is definitely wrong and I think it's worse than I initially believed. I need to know what is bothering her. I cannot fix something when I have not the first inkling of what it could be.

Pulling at my hair in combined frustration and worry, I hit reply and type out a quick reply email to her.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Talk to me…

**Date: **18 September 2011, 07h13

**To: **Anastasia Grey

Please, Ana. Tell me what is wrong?

I know I reacted very badly to your news two weeks ago and I am incredibly sorry for my bad behaviour. I want to make it up to you, baby. I know that there is something else that has been eating away at you.

Please let me in. Please talk to me. I want to help you. I want my wife and my life back.

I love you, Mrs Grey.

Xx

C

**Christian Grey, worried about and missing his beautiful wife CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.**

It's been just over two and a half hours since I sent Ana the email requesting she confide in me. She has always been more comfortable venting behind a screen. _Come on, baby. Talk to me, please._ I will her to reply; will her to confide in me.

"Grey." I snap as I answer the phone.

"Mr Grey!" I hear Sawyer pant into the phone, completely out of breath. I can hear the rising panic in his voice.

"Sawyer, is Ana okay?" This being the first thought that runs through my worried mind. Just as I say Sawyer's name, Taylor barrels through the door and the look of fear and horror gracing his features is unsettling. I hold my hand up, telling him to hold on.

"Mr Grey. She's gone. Mrs Grey is gone. We cannot find her anywhere." Sawyer is supposed to protect her, that's what I fucking pay him for.

"What do you mean she's gone, Sawyer?" I say slowly and in a deathly quiet voice, the overprotective monster inside me rearing its head in a pool of rapidly rising panic.

"Sir, Miss Kimberley Layne. I thought I was dropping her off at her apartment, Ana said she wasn't feeling well. I had no idea. She looked exactly like her. She was a spitting image of Miss Kavanagh's cousin. I didn't know, Sir. We have checked Miss Layne's apartment as well. We cannot find her anywhere, Mr Grey."

"What the fuck are you saying, Sawyer? Find my fucking wife. Now!" I roar into the phone and slam the receiver down. Standing up, I notice Taylor on the phone and he is barking orders out to his team to find my wife.

_God, Ana. Where are you, baby?_

**oooOooo**

Clutching onto the crumpled note and letter in my hands, I stare blankly out of the vast window. Seven and a half months have come and gone. Daytime crept into night and night crept back in to daytime. The days were endless and empty. Nothing was defined in my darkened world. Not work; not family. Nothing could add even a small colour splash to the constant grey my world portrayed

_**I'm so sorry.**_

_**I never meant for any of it to happen.**_

_**Yours, always…**_

_**Ana**_

The day she left, a fist of loss wrapped its fingers around my fragile heart, continuously strengthening its iron grip until my heart could no longer survive its intense clutch, shattering it into a million, broken shards; shards that would forever continue to slice through every fibre of my being.

Some days the pain would take over completely; consuming every last part of me. Other days, like today, I would simply become numb. How much more of this anguish would I be able to endure? I have died a thousand deaths since she left and no matter how desperately or hard I and everyone else worked at finding my beautiful Anastasia, it was as if she had simply vanished from the face of this earth. All the power that went with my copious amount of wealth proved to be useless.

The only proof that she did, in fact exist and had, at one time, loved and cared for me so deeply, were the painful reminders she had left behind; the ones that I could not and would not get rid of. She was and always would be the only one for me. I would take her anyway I could get her and these worldly possessions were all I had left of Anastasia.

_**Dear Christian,**_

_I don't know where to begin or how to even start to apologise to you for the damage I have caused or the havoc I have wreaked in your life by revealing the news of Little Blip._

_I never meant for anything like this to happen. Hannah handled all my appointments and I never dreamed that, all those appointments I had her cancel several times, due to unexpected circumstances always rising, included the ones where I had to meet with Doctor Greene for my shots._

_I cannot believe how stupid I was to forget something so important._

_The fact remains though, due to my neglect of my responsibilities, I am now pregnant. I will not destroy an innocent life, I can't. This baby is now a part of me and a part of you. I cannot bear the thought of killing something as beautiful as this unborn child; this part of us. I neglected my responsibilities once but I will not do that again. I will take full responsibility in my part for allowing this to happen. I never wanted it to sever this special bond between us or destroy our marriage._

_I have waited two weeks for you, hoping that all you needed was time to adjust to the idea of becoming a father (I know you would make a great father). I cannot even begin to express how naïve and stupid I have been in this regard. I can see now that, the prospect of fatherhood frightens you and, no matter what I say, I will never be able to get you to see through my eyes, just how wonderful you are and what a wonderful father you would make._

_I was even prepared to put aside the fact that you had run off to Elena that night and gotten horribly drunk, instead of being with me and sharing in the miraculous news of an innocent, unborn child. I was deeply hurt by this and I felt betrayed on a whole new level but, for you to accept our unborn child, I would have, with everything that I am, gladly forgotten about that incident._

_You didn't accept our child and therefore I cannot even begin to forget about the promise you had broken to me. You promised, Christian. You promised that you would never see Elena again and yet it was the first person you ran to. You didn't even reveal our child to her as a joy but, more as an incredibly stupid and horrible mistake that you were trying to fix._

_I loved you with everything I had Christian… I still do... I probably will always love you. If I have to choose between you and our unborn, defenceless child, then I choose Little Blip. I am his/ her mother and a mother is supposed to protect, love, care for and cherish their child. I know now that this is what I have to do and I will. I will be the best mom any child could ever ask for. I just wish that you and I could have been the husband and wife we both deserve._

_I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for messing up your life. Please know that I will look after Little Blip and raise him/ her to the best of my ability, on my own. I won't allow any other man access to your rightful place in our child's life. I will raise our child into a person that both you and I can be proud of. I do not want you to resent us in any way for interfering in your busy life, hence the reason I am leaving. Despite the many mistakes you have made, you have also done so much good for others around you and for the world we live in._

_You are a good person Christian and you deserve only the best. I just wish we were more compatible. I am deeply sorry I could not be your 'more'. I will love and cherish every moment I ever got to spend with you and for everything you did for me and allowed me to experience._

_I won't forget you Christian Grey. I will always love you._

_Always yours,_

_**Ana**_

Placing my head to the cool glass, I take in a ragged breath and allow the warm liquid to flow gently and freely down my face; my body trembling with the continuous onslaught of emotions. Somewhere out there, my beautiful Ana is due anytime soon, to give birth to our Little Blip. She would be alone, experiencing everything on her own and coping with everything by herself.

Anastasia is strong, intelligent and resourceful. I know she will be the best mother to have ever existed. She will look after our Little Blip spectacularly but who is going to look after her? Who is going to be there for her and make sure she only gets the best of everything?

_Oh, Ana, baby!_

"Mr Grey? Sir, I have Kimberley Layne on the phone. She needs to speak with you." Sawyer tries to get me to take the call.

I am unresponsive.

"She sounds frantic."

Still, no response.

_Ana…Little Blip…_

"Please, Mr Grey." He begs me to take the call and his last words spur me into action and focus, something that I have been unable to do since she left, "She says something terribly awful has happened to Anastasia."

"She knows where Ana is?" I turn my wet, burning eyes to face Sawyer and snatch the phone out of his hand.

"Kimberley? Where is Anastasia? Is she okay? Is Little Blip okay? What happened?" Panic is giving way to dread as she frantically tells me of Anastasia's whereabouts and what has happened.

_She's in South Africa…_

_Planned car accident…_

_Attacked…_

_Held down…_

_Trauma unit…_

_Doctors don't know if Ana will survive…_

_They are doing everything to save her and the baby… Save Little Blip…_

"I'm on my way, Kimberley. Don't let her die… Please."

Ending the call, I see Taylor and his team already on top of everything. Sawyer strides back into the room with two, fully packed bags in his hands.

"Sir, everything is ready. We need to get to the airport. We need to leave, now." I will never regret the day that I hired Jason Taylor. I give him a swift nod of my head and we make our way to the airport.

Once we are airborne, I retreat to the private bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed. Dropping my head into my hands, I sob violently and pray for Anastasia and our child to survive through this horrific ordeal. _Oh god… please, don't die… I can't… please…_

**oooOooo**

We sit in the waiting room of the hospital and wait for a doctor, any doctor or nurse, to inform us on Ana's progress. Taylor and Sawyer have somehow managed to clear the entire room out. No doubt, in an effort to allow me some much needed privacy.

"Christian? I am so, so sorry." Kimberley cries as she takes my hands in her own. "I made sure they admitted her as Anastasia Grey, and not Steele."

"Steele? I haven't signed the divorce papers. I tore them up. She's still Mrs Grey, Kimberley."

"It's not what she has been using since she arrived." My face pales as the missing pieces come together in my frazzled mind, forming a picture perfect puzzle.

"Are you saying…? You? You helped Anastasia… with all of it." I say quietly as a raging storm of anger and disbelief brews just under the surface. "You knew… all this time and you never said a fucking thing?" I grit out through clenched teeth.

"I promised her, Christian. I would never break a promise, especially not to Ana… never."

"Are you out of your fucking mind woman? What about her mom? What about Ray? We were all sick to death with worry! We had no fucking clue if Ana was okay and we all believed that we had no way of finding out unless she contacted us first."

Jumping to my feet, my emotions, every single last one that I have experienced over the last seven and a half months pour out and I punch the wall. Turning to face Kimberley, I continue in a barely controlled rage, "And yet, here you were, all along… And now look where she is? Just over thirteen fucking hours of surgery and they are still busy. What am I going to tell her parents? How are they going to cope with this?"

Breathing heavily and untangling my fingers from my hair, my anger gives way to a deep sadness; a sadness that penetrates every bone, muscle and nerve ending in my broken body and I turn my tear-filled eyes away from her. In a quiet whisper, I tell her, "She's carrying my child, Kimberley. How am I going to cope if one or both of them don't survive this?"

Just as those words tumble from my lips, we see the nurses wheel Anastasia into the ICU, followed by two doctors. Her entire head is bandaged and there is a huge pipe covering a large portion of her face; obscuring my view. One doctor enters the ICU and the other stops outside to address me and give me a breakdown of Ana's injuries, the surgery, her after-care and what to expect.

**oooOooo**

Opening the door to the Intensive Care Unit, I step in quietly and my eyes scan the sterile room. _Dear god in heaven._ My footsteps falter and I stare at my beautiful Anastasia. She is lying in a semi-upright position with a million machines, tubes and other medical devices attached to her. The doctor mentioned that she is not in an induced coma but a natural one but, they will have to induce one as soon as they see signs of her stirring awake. Her body will need time to heal.

Walking up to the glass, I lean my forehead against the coolness and splay my hands over the glass.

"Ana, baby." My tears run swiftly, my body shakes violently and I quietly sob as I watch over my fragile, baby girl.

"My strong Anastasia, my beautiful wife…" My whispered words fail to depict just how I feel. "Will there never be a dull moment in our lives, Mrs Grey? A time where we can just live happily and be carefree? I love you so much, Anastasia.

Nothing I can do or say will ever show you just how much you mean to me. You are my world… my everything. Please, come back to me."

After a few silent minutes, a strong hand squeezes my shoulder.

"Mr Grey? Could you kindly step outside with me for a moment? There is something very important I would like to discuss with you." He says as he gives me a sincere, warm look. Nodding, I follow him as he leads us out of the ICU.

"Mr Grey, I believe you are the father?" Christ, Little Blip! What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Yes, I am. Please, how is my baby doing? Did he…" I can't even finish the sentence.

"Mr Grey, both your son and your daughter are in a stable condition for now."

"I have a son _and _a daughter?" I choke on my tears as the full weight and realisation of everything crash over me. "Ana was carrying twins?" The doctor gives me a quizzical look, questioning how I didn't know this and if I am truly their father.

"Doctor," Kimberley jumps in, "The situation is a very complicated one but, I can assure you that Christian is their daddy."

"Please, can I see them?" I plead with the doctor to allow me this. "I need to see my children."

"Yes, Mr Grey, of course. First, I need to clear some things with you. Mrs Grey is not on a medical aid but Miss Layne paid a lump sum to the hospital when she arrived. Unfortunately, this does not cover all the costs involved. If the excess cannot be covered they will need to be moved to a public hospital. Mr Grey, this is not-"

I can feel my temper rising and immediately I cut him off. He obviously has no fucking clue who I am or how much fucking money I possess.

"Doctor, I can and will pay for anything that is necessary, right this minute if need be. I can certainly afford to buy or build any fucking hospital in the world. Nobody will be moving my wife or children until they are stable enough. When they are stronger, I can assure you, they will be moved back to Seattle, to one of the more prestigious hospitals closer to our home. I can afford any measly amount of money that this hospital is asking for, for the care and treatment of my family. Nothing is more important to me than their health and safety. Now, I would like to see my children."

"Certainly, Mr Grey." The stunned doctor stutters and pages up a nurse to show me the way to the Neonatal ICU and I turn to my guys.

"Taylor, ensure that Andrea handles any costs the hospital needs covered for Anastasia and my children. Call Ros and let her know that she is in charge until I get back. They are both to keep me informed and up-to-date on any changes."

"Sir." Taylor nods and disappears.

"Sawyer, send my plane back for Gail. Call her and let her know that she is to be waiting at the airport with my family. I am going to call my parents after I have seen to my children. Make sure that they are at the airport and ready for take-off on time. I will need you to book the best hotel here in Johannesburg, closest to the hospital, for all of us. Andrea can handle any costs from there."

If it weren't for the current situation I was in, I might find the doctor and nurse's expression rather comical. With Ana and my children's lives on the line, nothing was in the slightest bit amusing.

"My children?"

**oooOooo**

I lean towards the clear, hard plastic of the Isolet that my little girl is kept in. I gasp as I take in her appearance. Aside from all the medical equipment attached to her, she is a mini version of her mom. She looks so much like Anastasia with a mop of brown hair, a cute little button nose and full, rosy lips. Her skin complexion is pale like her mom's.

She is absolutely gorgeous and thin, too thin for a baby. My heart clenches as I hear her monitor make a terrifying noise and I look up in fear to see if anyone will tell me what is happening. The nurses continue with what they are doing and the noise beeps on another machine. I breathe out a sigh of relief when I realise that all is good.

Turning around, I look over at my son for the first time in his infant warmer and gasp again, louder this time. Hearing me, a nurse comes over and asks if everything is okay.

"Yes, it's just… He looks…"

"He is a spitting image of his father, Mr Grey and he is absolutely precious. Just like your daughter, they are both such strong, little fighters."

"Yes. He is… they are… my precious babies." I whisper reverently. I am so shocked. They are both absolutely gorgeous and strong, fighting for their lives. I feel awed and helpless at the same time. I want to fight this battle for them. I want to be able to fight this battle for my precious children and my beautiful wife… and I can't.

"Did you and your wife discuss any names before the accident, Mr Grey?" The nurse asks in a kind, humbling voice. I can't ward of the pain and sadness that fill my soul when I realise that Ana and I never got that opportunity.

"No." I let out a tired and sorrowful sigh, "We never had the opportunity."

"Well, Mr Grey, from what I have been told of your wife's condition, I am afraid that the decision of your children's names rests in your hands now." I give her a slightly panicked look and she gives me a reassuring smile, "You will do wonderfully in naming your children, Mr Grey. Don't be afraid. You are their father and I can see how much you already love these little beauties. You will give them beautiful names."

Swallowing the constant lump in my throat, I give her a weak smile and nod my head. Turning back to my baby boy, I tell him that I will see him soon and that his mom and dad love him very much. Leaning over my baby girl's bed, I do the same to her and tell her that I can't wait to have all of them in my arms and safely back home.

Walking down to the cafeteria, I see Kimberley pull out two, small pieces of paper and she hands them over to me as I take a seat at the table. Taylor places a hot cup of coffee in front of me and I look up at him, grateful that he is here with me, and thank him. He nods and takes his leave.

I sigh heavily and run my hands over my tired face. My name obviously doesn't hold the same weight here as it holds back in the US. I was told very politely what would happen if I did not leave the ICU and NICU wards. The last thing Anastasia and my children need is for her husband and their daddy to be kicked out of the hospital, or locked in a jail cell for the weekend.

Taking a sip of my coffee, I pick up the two slips of paper and blink my tired eyes, trying to focus on the small hand writing. My eyes bulge and I look at Miss Layne for confirmation that, what I am seeing is for real and not some trick my eyes are playing on me. She nods her head and a new sense of pride washes over me for my wife. She always knows what I need, even when she is unconscious and fighting for her life. Written down on the blue slip of paper is a boy's name and on the pink slip, a girl's name.

"Those are the names she had finally decided on last week. She has been fighting with herself for months now about what names you and her would both like." I look at her, stunned by this admission.

"She left. I thought she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I searched high and low, turned every stone and I still couldn't find her. I came to the realisation that Anastasia really didn't want to know me anymore and she had gone to great lengths to prove this to me." Kimberley looks into my eyes and she smiles warmly at me, absorbing my words.

"She only left because she thought you didn't want her anymore. She still thinks that she is not enough for you. Ana doesn't see herself the way the rest of us do, she never has. She is a strong, attractive, intelligent, young woman but she doesn't see that and, your actions over the last two weeks before she left, did nothing to dissipate her fear of losing you, nor erase the insecurity she constantly felt. She still loves you, Christian and not a single day has gone by where she hasn't shed a tear over losing you. She still adores you, no matter how much your association with Elena that night destroyed her." She said softly as she covered both my hands with hers. I was grateful for the small amount of comfort, even if it wasn't the one person that I needed most to be holding my hand right then

"I am deeply sorry that I never told anyone about Anastasia and her choices. I made a promise to her. I have known her as long as Kate and Ana have been friends and, even though she is not my best friend, she is still a pretty damn good friend of mine, Mr Grey. My loyalties lie with Anastasia."

"If I had any idea that our decisions would lead us to this point, I never would have helped Ana but the fact is, none of us could have known. Ana came to me and avoided Kate because she knew, with Kate being her best friend she would have talked Ana out of her decision. Ana knew she had to go through with this decision. She really and truly believed that this way, she would be setting you free. You would be free to start your life again, a life with another woman if you should so please, a life where you didn't have this huge responsibility to two people who, she feared, you would end up resenting. She believed that by freeing you or letting go and cutting all ties with you, you may not feel so trapped. She did all of that Christian, even though it killed her a little more inside with every day she spent apart from you." Tears were flowing down Kimberley's tired face as she ploughed through her memories and knowledge.

"She really tried to creative a new, positive life for herself and your children over here but anybody that knew Ana as well as we do, would see that she was just putting on a brave front. A brave front that crumbled a little more each and every single day the due date of your twins loomed closer. She is still completely and irrevocably in love with you, Christian. She never stopped and I believe that she never will. She needs you more than you will ever know."

With that, she gets up and excuses herself. My heart clenches at what Miss Layne has just revealed to me. _Oh, Ana! I still love you with everything that I am. I am so, sorry baby! _Everything is just so out of control right now.

Forcing the tears to stay at bay, I get up and head out the entrance doors of the hospital. The fresh, cool air hits me and I take several seconds to inhale and exhale as much of it as I can. Pulling my Blackberry out of my jacket's pocket, I scroll down the list and hit call, waiting for her to pick up.

"Hello, Grey residence?" I can hear the worry in her words. She must know.

"Mom?" I whisper-sob into the phone as the first, fresh tear falls.

"Oh, Christian! We are on our way, darling. We're coming. Hold on my sweet, baby boy."

**A/N: Thank you for the support and encouragement you all showed in the first chapter! I soaked it all up :) I must apologise if I missed replying to anybody :( and my guest reviewers, I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciate your reviews too!**

**I know this chapter was probably a hell of a lot more than you were anticipating and certainly did not take the direction most of you were expecting. I know it was slightly heavy and I have to warn you that the next chapter is going to be darker and heavier than this one. I told some of my reviewers that they may get a glimpse of Ana's POV in this chapter but these words took on a life of their own and this is the result!**

**So, a lot to take in… A very broken Christian, an injured Ana and… TWINS. I was waiting for somebody to do a story where they would have twins… but no such luck, so I did it myself :)**

**Right, it's Saturday night… Guess I should now go and find something more sociable to do than locking myself away from the rest of the real world and writing :) Let me know what you thought! Laters, baby! xXx**


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